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The saying is that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, right? Well, firstly I’m by no means old and secondly, I think that’s a load of crap. Now if you’re stubborn, that’s something I can’t help you with. . . .
It's a saying that a hefty portion of us learned when we were kids. I trusted the saying until I no longer viewed myself as "youthful," and dreading I may now be old, I looked for consolation that I could ace a few new tricks. Maybe I was feeling my own mortality and I needed to prove a few things to myself.
However, where was I to start? What tricks was I going to learn? I knew that I had to learn something in order to prove it to myself. I wasn't certain; I was fretful, out of work, and alone with two kids. Sounds like a great start yeah? I detected there was more – considerably more out there in life. But I just didn’t have the skills or the knowledge to go out there and grab it. So you wait, and you wait for open doors that should, eventually, at some stage in the near future, present themselves.
All things considered, I could now learn, ask questions, follow dreams, and dare the road less travelled. (Yeah, if I can go to university at any stage and pursue my passion of literature and writing – then what could I lose?). Without a doubt, I had rickety aches and pains, also the obligations of accommodating my home and those within it. Be that as it may, I required – no, I needed – to push limits.
I needed to rebel. I needed to live. I needed to throw away the shackles and chains and cast my clothes off to the wind and let the sun shine through. . . alright getting a bit clichéd there but you know what I mean.
What was I truly after? An awakening. Yes. That was what I wanted.
I knew that I wanted to push my limits. Now the question was which limits did I want to push?
We all realize that limits are found in youth – the consequence of parental conduct and teachings, society, and regularly, religious beliefs. The way of touch, and our sentiments about the vicinity of others are two lessons consumed early. We know we require human contact; it feels great. Also, contact comes in numerous flavours: love or relief, sexuality or closeness. And the sky is the limit from there.
However, the wrong kind of touch at the wrong time? We're undermined, and genuinely so. A couple inches of space between bodies – or no space by any means – is not the stuff of routine trade. We have a sort of imperceptible wall around ourselves. Have you ever seen that when your own space is ruptured, you instantly make strides back, or declare yourself somehow or in some way to restore your comfort zone? But at some stage – we need to outgrow, or even redefine those boundaries.
We have parent child limits, relationship limits, and limits we might unwittingly set that we should dispose of but we don’t due to routine or stubborn and it is those that keep us smaller than what we really are.
For instance, there are self-limiting parts in employment and marriages that in the long run eventually stop serving us in any capacity as we outgrow them. Alternately maybe we live with emotional distance in light of the fact that it feels more secure, or a conviction that we can't learn another language, become an artist or singer, and take up a new hobby. Why do we limit ourselves in that way? Who says we can't learn Japanese at 60, or learn sculpturing at 70? We transform, we develop, and we grow. We additionally become exhausted. Also, when we're exhausted, we need to step over the line, or move it!
The domain of sexual conduct is surely one in which tastes change as we're presented to more extensive ways of life, more societies, and new playmates. When we approach middle age, a hefty portion of us have overlooked that sexuality can be enjoyable! In fact, the majority of my clients when working in adult stores fir precisely this demographic; middle age, kids, divorced or separated and staying together for the kids, and have started seeing new sexual partners. They quickly discover that what they’ve been doing for the past ten, fifteen or even twenty years was a state of monotony. They walk in with an experienced or adventurous partner and they quickly see that the sky is the limit. When you become that, you’ll develop an insatiable thirst for pushing the boundaries, constantly developing and exploring new things. When you view your body as a tool for exploration you will quickly discover your whole outlook on life will change.
Now I’m not suggesting that a lot of you will develop into enjoying anal or vaginal stretching.
What I am suggesting is – what you’ve experienced in the x amount of years of your life will constantly need to be challenged, grown and cultivated. I’ve seen it time and time again. One of my favourite and much loved examples involves two of my favourite clients who I’ve been serving since I first started working in the adult toy industry. They were just starting to explore BDSM, and since I was quite involved both in the scene and in the industry, they came to me for advice. Over the weeks, months and years, I watched them experiment with new toys, new scenes and scenarios. They explored power play, pain and submission, control, electro, rubber, costumers, restraints, pumping and stretching. There came a time when they came into my store and they were looking for new things. We knew that they had outgrown the store – that the next step in their exploration was custom fittings, developing a dungeon and purchasing furniture and tools for that. Something which my store just didn’t do. I could direct them to places that did, and off they went. Last I saw them they’d built their dungeon into their garage and they were hosting other play mates in their dungeon. That’s a couple that experienced and needed constant growth, they fit well into each other’s learning curves and sexually, they were a perfect match (I’m not in a position to comment on anything else because I didn’t see it).
Most of us start testing (and revolting) when we're young, during our teenage years where it’s seen as socially acceptable to explore. Then we are taught to outgrow that ‘exploration stage’ and whilst we are ‘allowed’ to keep on testing and pushing ourselves into our twenties – the focus becomes the concept of ‘settling down’. Why should we settle down? The element of family commitments, work, weariness and different elements adds to a consequent schedule that we appear to acknowledge, but why does it have to end there?.
Be that as it may, why do we accept that? We might really be content with things as they seem to be. Then again, we may have developed more conservative thoughts as we age. For a few of us, experimentation in more youthful years was ample, adequate and satisfactory.
And afterward there are the individuals who did little experimenting, similar to me. I was the ‘good girl’ who studied, travelled, and worked. At that point came marriage, youngsters, illnesses, separation, and the constant reminder that life isn’t as long as I had thought it to be.
Sex. I needed trust in sex. I needed to explore that side. I hadn’t explored when I was younger, and I felt that time was running out. I’d sat at the table with girlfriends and listened to their stories wistfully, and whilst I loved my friends, and I trusted them implicitly, I simply couldn’t bring tell them what I was going through. But I listened, and once I became free of the shackles of my relationship I was eager, and more than keen to explore. But I was still a parent and I still had responsibilities.
A couple of years back, I was exploring an article and perusing about domination and submission in sexual recreations. What I realized was not what I anticipated. Respect and communication are central to the game, and additionally the common delight and closeness that become the outcome of this game. It's coherent; all connections speak the truth in regards to the holding and breaking points. Sexual connections are the same, yet we're frequently hesitant to well-spoken limits or goals.
In submission and domination, correspondence is critical. Partners look to push their sexual points of confinement in ways that may not be for everybody, but rather they do as such inside of a system of understanding and admiration, with cut off points characterized in advance and taken after. A safe word or activity is used to flag "stop" if anything makes the partner uncomfortable. It's a matter of trust – trust that cut off points will be regarded. Anything else, the relationship breaks apart.
Who can genuinely say that their sexual taste hasn't changed throughout the years? Our sexual limits are dependably in some kind of flux; the libido can be an exciting ride and suitable partners – the individuals who draw in us, those we cherish – may not generally be accessible. So sexuality may tighten now and again, and extend at others. Pushing limits is a decision; investigating what feels adequate, energizing, sincerely fulfilling, and fun is dependably inside of our grasp. It may be as straightforward as talking. It’s important that numerous ladies (and men) feel more liberated as they age, ready to shed confinements forced by traditionalist childhoods, inferred principles in marriage, the exhaustion (and interferences) of bringing up kids . Interest and experimentation are human, keeping in mind they are expected (and endured) in young people, we squelch these great qualities in ourselves, as grown-ups. It's unexpected, considering we're more qualified to evaluating the limits to move for our own pleasure, and our partner's.
Have I discovered my cut off to pushing my points of confinement? Not yet. Do I now appreciate new games with a cherishing sexual partner, guaranteeing physical, passionate, and mental wellbeing? Most likely.
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